Parenting saga

Normally, I would not have read this interview. But the blurb – “I will spend every rupee I earned on myself. Let my kids fend for themselves” - caught my attention. It was actor Nazaruddin Shah’s response to a question if he had received his share of fame and money from the film industry. Answering in affirmative, he said he would not leave any of that for his children.

Shikha Sharma, MD & CEO, ICICI Prudential Life Insurance, also has similar views about leaving an inheritance for her children. To quote from an interview, “They have to earn on their own. We’ll fund their education, but they are not getting any inheritance from their parents!”

I couldn’t but appreciate the detachment they expressed. Shah and Sharma would not have kept aside their dreams to support their children. But most middle-class parents slog their entire life to ensure a comfortable life to their kids. Their responsibility does not end with providing education. Daughters have to be married off lavishly with a hefty dowry. A host of other society-enforced demands that follow the marriage and birth of grandchildren have to be taken care of, which only translate to more expenses. Money need not be spent on sons’ marriage, but they have to deal with the expectations on their wealth – be it the house or that hard-saved fixed deposit.

Where is the end to the expectations on parents? Are they meant to live and die for their children? When will they gather enough courage to declare that their children would not inherit their money? When will they stop feeling guilty in spending money on themselves instead of saving it up for kids?

That expensive sari or much-dreamt-about vacation was rarely affordable in their prime years. At least, in the old age, let them live out their postponed dreams.

So much I don’t know!

I went there to help them learn
And, I learned how much I don’t know
Or how much I am yet to learn!
I don’t know what to do…
When a kid refuses to respond
When a kid keeps fidgeting
When a kid says he/she hasn’t seen
The things we take for granted
I don’t know what to say…
When a kid stumbles at table of two
When a kid can’t read ‘tie’
When a kid says he/she couldn’t study
Because parents were fighting
I know I’ve failed to help them learn
And I’ve failed to learn
Still, I am trying…

(Thoughts from my volunteering experience at Akanksha, an NGO involved in teaching less-privileged children)

Let the kids walk a bit

You are rushing to office on a bike. The road is blocked with haphazardly parked cars. Isn’t it normal that your blood pressure rise and you curse those stupid car owners/drivers? Well, I used to face this every weekday when I was in Chennai.

Unny used to drop me at office before proceeding to his office. There is a school along the road we took regularly. (The other option was an even more crowded main road with many signals.) Parents or drivers stopped the cars at the school gate and took the kids to the classrooms, creating major traffic blocks. Not to mention the incessant honking! Everyone competed in getting as close to the gate as possible. If they could get the car to the classroom, I guess, they would’ve been extremely happy. I used to get furious at this insensitivity to other road users. Why couldn’t they park the cars where it caused less inconvenience to others and get the kids walk a short distance to the school? Need the kids be pampered so much?

However, I also thought that I was just being jealous. My typical middle-class character couldn’t digest the comforts enjoyed by others. We have only a bike. I was getting irritated because they had cars. So, other than sharing with Unny, I kept my complaints to myself. Unny said that one could not expect those people to behave the way one wanted. Ok, fine, I said. I’d try to finish the chores and get out of the house early, even if it meant getting up earlier than 5 am.

Later, I remember reading about some other schools in Chennai banning the dropping of kids at the school entrance, citing the same reason – traffic congestion. I was happy to know that I was not alone in finding this as a problem.

Today, there was further justification to my anger. Though, in Mumbai, I was not caught in any such traffic jams, I was really happy to read the news “The State Transport Ministry mulls ban on cars for students”. According to a report by DNA, the ministry aims to keep school areas free of vehicular congestion and also spread the message of equality among students.

The proposal is at a primary stage, and there’ll be a lot of hurdles to clear before it can be enacted as a law. Still, it’s a welcome move. It is inspired by the Cathedral and John Connon School in Colaba, Mumbai, which promotes the use of school bus or public transport by its students. Meera Issac, principal of the school, and Indrani Malkani, one of the parents, launched this well-thought-out ‘Model School Bus Service’ in 2002. According to them, parents welcomed this move and that was why the plan worked for the past six years. Even taxis are not allowed near the school gate. A wise move indeed!

Now, we have a car. But I am glad to realise that I retain the old mindset. I never try to park the car close to my destination, even for a short duration, if that causes nuisance to others. I may use the car for convenience, but I can still walk.

I hope those kids also get to walk a bit.

To tie the knot or rakhi?

I’ve been doing it for the past eight years. It’s become a habit for me - to hold Unny’s hands when we walk together. Sometimes, people stare at us. I don’t care. For me, it’s a comfort.

It’s Valentine’s Day tomorrow. I don’t celebrate it. Does anyone need a day to celebrate love? Can’t we celebrate it every day? Every moment? Neither do I celebrate other such days as Women’s Day, Friendship Day, Mothers’ Day,... It’s obvious that these days are promoted by those with vested interests. But, I am not against anyone celebrating these Days. It’s their prerogative.

Some people think otherwise. The so-called protectors of Indian culture do not want anyone to celebrate Valentine’s Day. They are planning different things. Apart from violence, which they plan anyways, one group (which one? I forgot) has threatened that anyone publicly displaying their affection will be either made to marry each other or tie a rakhi.

Is holding hands a public display of affection? When we go out tomorrow, will we be asked to tie the knot or tie the rakhi?

My biannual swimming lessons

One of the items in My Bucket List was ‘learn swimming.’ I get swimming lessons from Unny whenever we get a chance to jump into a water body. This mostly happens twice a year during a trek/trip organised by Nature Knights! I signed off 2008 with such a swimming lesson at Pavna Lake near Lonavla.

We had not decided about participating in the two-day year-end outing organised by Nature Knights. When Asif called up to ask if we were free to go as facilitators for an event and join the outing later in the day, we made up our mind. The event was a pre-marriage get together of the bride’s and bridegroom’s families. The games part was outsourced to Nature Knights by the original event managers. Sponsored by the bridegroom’s sister, the intention of the event was to initiate bonding among family members from both sides. I have never heard of such events. I think this might become a trend soon, first among the ultra-rich families and later among the middle-class, who always wants to mimic the rich. Anyways, our eight-member team had a good time managing the games. The crowd was enthusiastic; food was good and plentiful.

By late evening, we reached Lonavla and waited for the gang to come back after a baby trek. There were around 30 people in total and Asif had a booked a few cottages. The sumptuous dinner prepared under the guidance of Asif’s brother Zafar, a trained chef, was followed by campfire and antakshari. Braving the chill, many of us set out for a night safari too. A few of us, including Unny and me, retired early (at midnight) to bed.

Next day, after attacking delicious French toast, upma, and omelet, we set out to Pavna Lake – for the last dip of the year. Swimmers were training the non-swimmers. I had an exclusive trainer – Unny. This time I made some minute progress.

The lessons were captured by those who didn’t get into water.

Phot0s courtesy: Asif

In 2009, maybe, I’ll learn to swim. Waiting for the next dip … :-)

Want to make history?

With the digicam revolution, we’ve all become photographers. Even I have.

I swell with pride when I capture that unique moment and I want the whole world to appreciate it. The maximum I could do was to post it on my blog and hope someone would see it. Not anymore …

Now I can make history with those wonderful snapshots. Yes, you read it right – Make History.


The Make History Foundation (technically De Metri Foundation), a non-profit initiative along with Lee launched a Photography contest last year in Europe. Now it’s happening in the Asia-Pacific region, which includes India.

And I’ve already made a list of things I could buy with the prize money - a whopping $40,000, close to Rs 20 lakhs. The good thing is that one need not be a professional photographer to participate. But you should be able to tell a few words. The image and words together make a story. “Because history is not only important events and important people. It is recorded with songs and painted on canvas. It is told in stories. It lives in snapshots.”

I have started looking around with a new set of eyes and find meaning in the unobvious because I want to Make History …

So can you! Check out the site http://www.makehistory-ap.com and the blog http://lee-make-history.blogspot.com/.

No, I didn't click it. A sample from the collection

PS. Anybody winning prize after getting lead from this post pay me a commission. OK? :-)

A tribute to my Adopted extended family

It’s been four years since we came to Mumbai. Relocating to Mumbai was a tough decision to make as Mumbai always brought an image of cramped spaces and underworld, thanks to some Malayalam movies. Another aspect that added to our indecision was that I’d to quit my job of three months. We even thought of Unny going there temporarily (his company wanted him to set up a team in Mumbai) and I staying back in Chennai. But that was too much for me to bear – staying away from Unny for a long duration. Finally, after a lot of deliberations, we decided we’d try Mumbai out when our youth still remains. And I was pretty sure to get a job in the city of opportunities, which turned out exactly the same way.

The initial days were too oppressive – everything unknown. I brushed up my Hindi, but was bombarded by Marathi. Comparison between a nice, large 2-BHK and the compact 1-BHK at double the rent added to the irritation. Our top-of-the-mind thought was ‘how to go back’.

Then Nature Knights happened. I chanced upon an event listing in a website, wherein a one-day trek to Peb Fort was listed. We registered for this, wanting to get out of the daily hectic schedule and busy city life. On February 27, 2005, we did our first trek with Nature Knights. We were worried about our ability to do the trek and if they would accept our limitations. The ever-cheerful Nimesh, who was leading the trek, made us relax and finish this somewhat difficult trek with ease.

A slice from the Tikona trek

There’s no looking back since then. We participated in a few more treks, got to know Asif, the founder of the group, his family, and other senior members more; the bonding ensued unconsciously. Nature Knights became our extended family.

Another slice from Mahuli trek

Nature Knights is an eco-adventure/trekking organisation, founded 20 years back by Asif, a nature, wildlife, and adventure enthusiast. What started as a nature club by a group of like-minded friends has grown today into an organisation involved in trekking and other adventure activities, in addition to facilitating corporate outbound training as well as adventure activities for kids and families. Asif's long-term girlfriend and now wife Lopa is his pillar of support while Nimesh and Dnyanesh act as his left and right hands; rest of us tag along.

Lopa & Asif

For us, apart from having our share of adventure, fun, and a lot of learning, we’ve got a bunch of friends, brothers, sisters, uncles, aunts, nephews, nieces – the newest one was born day before yesterday.

Anoushka

The family is ever-expanding with a few participants getting bowled over, like we did, by the Nature Knights spirit during each event and coming back for more. Asif, Lopa, and their daughter Anoushka along with other knights are there with open arms to welcome everyone into this cheerful family.

Unny's b'day celebration with Nature Knights

At this juncture, as we just stepped into another year, I salute the wonderful Nature Knights, of which I am proud to be a part of. Mumbai is not oppressive any more; 1-BHK house is not very small; and I understand a bit of Marathi. Our youth still remains. And we have second thoughts about going back.

To know more about Nature Knights, have a look here www.natureknights.com.

Asif, Nimesh and Dnyanesh

A photo feature of our first trek, Peb Fort, is here.